- A+
如果我们没有意识到我们本就应该不同，男性和女性就会出现矛盾。当我们忘记了这个重要的事实时，我们就经常会对异性发脾气或是感到失望。我们期望异性能更像我们自己那样。我们盼望他们“想我们所想”和“感受我们所感受”。
我们错误地以为，如果我们的伴侣爱我们的话，她们的反应和行为，就会像我们爱她们时的反应和行为一样。这种态度使我们误入圈套，使我们失望，并阻碍了我们花必要的时间就我们之间的差异进行充满爱意的交流。”
“Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire them to "want what we want" and "feel the way we feel."
“We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone. This attitude sets us up to be disappointed and prevents us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.”
【为什么要看英语原著】
我们读英语原著不是为了学习英语的目的，如果是这个目的，我们多数人通常会因为困难很多收获甚少而放弃。
我们读原著，通常是因为书中有些能让我们深深吸引的内容，而这种东西在译文中常常感受得没有那么真切；或是因为原著中有一些我们极其想要知道，想要探索，能够对我们精神财富和物质财富都有帮助的东西。而这些东西暂时在中文中不可见。英语是实现目的的工具。如果能在满足自己愿望的同时，顺便掌握英语，岂不是锦上添花？
如果说《冰与火之歌》属于那种让人心动的内容的话，那么《金星人与火星人》就是那种我们想要知道想要探索的有关我们自己的内容。其实，本书已经有中文译本，然而有关我们自己情感和精神上的东西，有些英语原意在中文中是不可见的。刘博士建议，在阅读关乎人文思想和情感探索类的读物时，如果你喜欢，最好也能再读一遍原文，因为这样你会发现，在这类书籍的中文翻译中，我们常常是缺乏准确对应词汇的。我们只好用现有的中文词汇或是造词来解释或是阐述原文的意思，而实际上中英文语义是不对应的。举个本书的例子。男性对于爱的一种需要是“Appreciation”，中文通常翻译成欣赏，然而这一英语词的首要含义是感激，其扩展的抽象含义才是对对方行为的价值/意义的认可。除非读到原文，有时候你真会误以为，这本书说的内容我都听说过，没有什么新的内容。不说了。
这本书是献给两性的情感知识通俗读本，据说已经成为国外名校的课程。建议你和你的伴侣一起读，这样，你们就可以借着学英语的名字，一起探讨彼此的差异之处，一起学习幸福相处的秘密。因为这与我们的生活非常有关，所以，如果您们能够一起坚持读完五本书，那么，你们是一定能够顺便掌握英语的。
这套书的系列阅读和听读内容，每周会更新两次，每节在10-15分钟，这样就能保证每节的内容基本完整一些。
还有一件事。如果你喜欢这本书的内容，请读完后点个赞，并转发给有需要的朋友吧。这些内容通常都不是网络媒体的主流思想，推荐量可少了。谢谢！！
【刘博士中文译文】
金星人和火星人
第一章
让我们假设，男性来自火星，女性来自金星。很久以前的一天，火星人在通过望远镜瞭望的时候，发现了金星人。仅是惊鸿一瞥地看见了金星人，就唤醒了他们从前所未知的一种情感。他们坠入爱河，于是很快就发明了太空旅行，并飞往了金星。
金星人张开双臂迎接火星人。她们凭直觉知道这一天会来的。他们敞开心扉来迎接一场她们从未感受过的爱情。
金星人和火星人之间的爱情是神奇的。他们享受在一起的时光，一起做事，一起分享。尽管他们来自不同的世界，他们却陶醉于彼此的差异。他们花了数月的时间来相互了解，探索并欣赏彼此不同的需求、喜好和行为方式等。他们在爱与和谐中一起生活了许多年。
后来他们决定飞往地球。一开始，一切都完美极了，美妙极了。但是地球大气层的影响开始起作用了。一天早上，每个人醒来时都得了一种奇特的失忆症（Amnesia）—选择性失忆症！
火星人和金星人都忘记了他们是来自于不同星球的，他们本就是不同的。就在这一个早上，他们所学到的关于他们之间差异的一切知识都从记忆中被抹去了。从那一天起，男性和女性陷入了冲突之中。
记住我们的差异
如果我们没有意识到我们本就应该不同，男性和女性就会出现矛盾。当我们忘记了这个重要的事实时，我们就经常会对异性发脾气或是感到失望。我们期望异性能更像我们自己那样。我们盼望他们“想我们所想”和“感受我们所感受”。
我们错误地以为，如果我们的伴侣爱我们的话，他们的反应和行为，就会像我们爱某人时的反应和行为一样。这种态度使我们误入圈套，使我们再度失望，并阻碍了我们花必要的时间就我们之间的差异进行充满爱意的交流。
男性错误地期望女性会像男性一样思考、沟通和反应；女性同样错误地期望男性会像女性一样感受、交流和回应。我们已经忘记了男性和女性就应该是不同的。结果，我们的关系充满了不必要的摩擦和冲突。
清楚地认识到并尊重这些差异将大大减少我们与异性交往时的困惑。当你记住：男性来自火星，女性来自金星时，一切就都能够解释得通了。
概述我们的差异
我将在本书中详细地讨论两性之间的差异。每一章都会给你带来全新的、极其重要的见解。以下是我们将探讨的两性之间的主要差异：
在第2章中，我们将探讨男性和女性的价值观如何有本质的不同，并试图理解我们对于异性看法的两大错误：男性会错误地给女性解决办法而不认同女性的感受，而女性则会未经请求就提供建议和指导。通过了解我们各自的火星人/金星人背景，我们就能清楚知道为什么男性和女性会在不知不觉中犯这些错误。通过记住这些差异，我们可以改正错误，并立即使用更有建设性的方式来回应对方。
在第3章中，我们将发现男性和女性在处理压力时的方法是不一样的。火星人倾向于抽身远离并安静地思考困扰他们的事情，而金星人则本能地需要与人谈论困扰她们的事情。你将会学到新的技巧，当出现这些冲突的时候，用这些新技巧来得到你想要的东西。
我们将在第4章探讨如何让异性产生动力。男性在感到被需要的时候，他们的动力就会被激发出来，而女性在感觉到被关爱时，她们就有了新的动力。我们将讨论改进两性关系的三个步骤，并探讨如何克服我们最大的挑战：即，男性需要克服对主动给予爱的抗拒心理，而女性则必须克服她们对主动接受爱的抵抗心理。
在第5章里，你将了解男性和女性如何经常因为使用不同的语言（表达）而相互误解的。本章的《火星人/金星人用语词典》为你提供了经常被误解的表达语翻译。你将了解男性和女性是如何表达意思，他们甚至会因为完全不同的原因而停止语言表达（沟通）。在这一章，女性将会学到，当男性不说话时应如何应对，而男性也会学到如何更好地倾听，同时不会感到沮丧。
在第6章中，你会发现男性和女性对于亲密关系有着不同的需要。当男性与女性走得很近时，随后男性就不可避免地有抽身出来的需要。女性将会学到如何支持男性这种抽身出来的过程，这样，男性就会像橡皮筋一样再次弹回到女性身边。女性还将了解到，什么时候是与男性进行亲密交谈的最佳时机。
我们将在第7章探讨女性爱的情绪是如何以波浪运动的形式有节奏地上下起伏的。男性将学会如何正确地理解这些有时会突然发生的情感转变。男性还将学会识别女性在何时最需要男性的支持，以及在这些时候男性如何巧妙地给予女性支持，又无需做出牺牲。
在第8章中，你会发现男性和女性在付出爱时，常常给与的是他们自己所需要的爱，而不是对方所需要的爱。男性最需要的一种爱是包含了信任、接受和感激的爱。女性最需要的一种爱是包含了关怀、理解和尊重的爱。你会发现，你也许会通过六种最普遍的方式不知不觉地就打消了你的伴侣对你的爱。
在第9章中，我们将探索如何避免令人痛苦的争吵。男性要懂得这一点，如果他们总是表现出自己是对的，他们也许会就会显现出对女性感受的不认可。女性也需要懂得，她们是如何在不经意间就对男性传递出了不满意（而不是有不同意见）的信号，从而导致了男性的防御心理和行为。我们将对一场争吵进行剖析，同时提出许多实用建议来帮助大家建立起相互支持的沟通方式。
第10章里将会具体说明男性和女性在给异性打分（评价）上的差异。男性将会懂得，对于金星人来说，每一份爱的礼物，无论大小，分值都是一样的。男性要记住，你不需要专注在某一件大礼物上，所有对于爱的微小表达都同样重要；我还列出了101种女性打分的方法。不过，女性也同样需要学会将其精力转移到给予男性真正想要的东西上，这样男性才会给她打高分。
在第11章中，你将学习到在两性之间关系紧张时的相互沟通方法。这一章讨论了男性和女性是如何掩饰自己的感受的，以及分享感受的重要性。我推荐使用“写情书”技巧来表达你对伴侣的负面情绪，并将其作为一种找到更多的爱和获得谅解的一种方式。
在第12章中，你将会明白，为什么金星人那么难以主动开口求助，以及，为什么火星人通常会拒绝这种求助请求。你会懂得“你是否能够”和“你能不能”这两个短语如何让男性反感，以及正确的说法应该是什么。你将学到鼓励男性付出更多的秘密，并在不同场合中发现使用简洁、直接和措辞准确的语言的力量。
在第13章里，你会发现爱有四个季节。只有对爱的变化和成长有现实的认识，才能有助于你克服两性关系中不可避免会出现的障碍。你将会懂得，你或是你伴侣的过去经历是如何影响你们当下关系的，同时你也将会有其他的重要发现，这些发现会让你的爱情魔力日久弥新。
在《男性来自火星，女性来自金星》的每一章中，你都会发现创造出有爱的和持久的两性关系的新秘密。每一个新发现都将让你拥有更多的拥有圆满两性关系的能力。
仅有好意是不够的
陷入爱河总是很神妙的。它让人觉得爱是永恒的，似乎爱将持续到永远。我们天真地以为，我们会很幸运，不会再受我们父母所经历的那些问题的困扰，也不会有爱情消亡的可能，我们确信我们的爱是命中注定的，天意会让我们从此过上幸福的生活。
然而，随着爱的魔力消退，当日常生活成为爱情的主要内容时，一个现象就是男性会继续期望女性会像男性一样地思考和行动，而女性们则期望男性像女性一样感受和行动。如果我们不能清楚地意识到两性之间的差异，我们就不会再去花时间理解和尊重对方。我们变得强人所难、满心怨气、妄加评判和不宽容。
即使我们是出于最善意的企图和爱的企图，我们的爱也在继续消亡。不知道为什么，矛盾就悄悄产生了。我们的怨恨不断累积，我们的沟通也出了问题。不信任感日益加剧。其结果就是排斥和压抑。爱情的魔力消失了。
我们问我们自己：
这究竟是怎样发生的？
为什么会是这样？
为什么这会发生在我们身上？
为了回答这一系列问题，我们那些最伟大的思想家们提出了绝妙而又复杂的哲学和心理学模型。然而，旧的模式仍在重复。爱情最终消亡。这种情况几乎在每个人身上都会发生。
每一天，都有数百万的单身人士在寻找他们的伴侣，希望体验到那种特殊的爱的感觉。每一年，都有数百万的人会因为爱而结为夫妇，然后又会因为失去了那种爱的感受而痛苦地分离。在那些爱情维持得足够长久，能够走进婚姻殿堂的夫妇中，只有50%的夫妇维持了他们的婚姻。而在维持了婚姻的夫妇中，也许还有50%的夫妇并没有获得圆满的爱情。他们仍旧在一起要么是出于忠诚和责任，要么是因为害怕从头开始。
的确，很少有人能够有茁壮成长的爱情。可是，这种爱情确确实实存在的。
当男性和女性能够尊重并接纳他们的差异时，爱情之花就有可能绽放。
通过理解异性之间那些看不见的差异，我们就能够更好地付出和接受我们心中本就有的爱。通过认可并接受彼此间的差异，我们能够找到创造性的解决方法，从而成功地获得我们想要的爱情。更重要的是，我们就能够学会如何尽我们所能地去爱和帮助我们所关心的人。
爱是神奇的，只要我们记住我们彼此不同，爱就会伴随我们直到永远。
【刘博士音频】
【如果你需要相关文章音频，请与刘博士联系】
Chapter 1
Men Are from Mars， Women Are from Venus
Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus.
The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. They had intuitively known that this day would come. Their hearts opened wide to a love they had never felt before.
The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together, and sharing together. Though from different worlds, they reveled in their differences. They spent months learning about each other, exploring and appreciating their different needs, preferences, and behavior patterns. For years they lived together in love and harmony.
Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of Earth's atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar kind of amnesia—selective amnesia!
Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. In one morning everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day men and women have been in conflict.
REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES
Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire them to "want what we want" and "feel the way we feel."
We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone. This attitude sets us up to be disappointed and prevents us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.
Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict.
Clearly recognizing and respecting these differences dramatically reduce confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. When you remember that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, everything can be explained.
AN OVERVIEW OF OUR DIFFERENCES
Throughout this book I will discuss in great detail our differences. Each chapter will bring you new and crucial insights. Here are the major differences that we will explore:
In chapter 2 we will explore how men's and women's values are inherently different and try to understand the two biggest mistakes we make in relating to the opposite sex: men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction. Through understanding our Martian/Venusian background it becomes obvious why men and women unknowingly make these mistakes. By remembering these differences we can correct our mistakes and immediately respond to each other in more productive ways.
In chapter 3 we'll discover the different ways men and women cope with stress. While Martians tend to pull away and silently think about what's bothering them, Venusians feel an instinctive need to talk about what's bothering them. You will learn new strategies for getting what you want at these conflicting times.
We will explore how to motivate the opposite sex in chapter 4. Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished. We will discuss the three steps for improving relationships and explore how to overcome our greatest challenges: men need to overcome their resistance to giving love while women must overcome their resistance to receiving it.
In chapter 5 you'll learn how men and women commonly misunderstand each other because they speak different languages. A Martian/VenusianPhrase Dictionary is provided to translate commonly misunderstood expressions. You will learn how men and women speak and even stop speaking for entirely different reasons. Women will learn what to do when a man stops talking, and men will learn how to listen better without becoming frustrated.
In chapter 6 you will discover how men and women have different needs for intimacy. A man gets close but then inevitably needs to Pull away. Women will learn how to support this pulling-away process so he will spring back to her like a rubber band. Women also will learn the best times for having intimate conversations with a man.
We will explore in chapter 7 how a woman's loving attitudes rise and fall rhythmically in a wave motion. Men will learn how correctly to interpret 
these sometimes sudden shifts of feeling. Men also will learn to recognize when they are needed the most and how to be skillfully supportive at those times without having to make sacrifices.
In chapter 8 you'll discover how men and women give the kind of love they need and not what the opposite sex needs. Men primarily need a kind of love that is trusting, accepting, and appreciative. Women primarily need a kind of love that is caring, understanding, and respectful. You will discover the six most common ways you may unknowingly be turning off your partner.
In chapter 9 we will explore how to avoid painful arguments. Men will learn that by acting as if they are always right they may invalidate a woman's feelings. Women will learn how they unknowingly send messages of disapproval instead of disagreement, thus igniting a man's 
defenses. The anatomy of an argument will be explored along with many practical suggestions for establishing supportive communication.
Chapter 10 will show how men and women keep score differently. Men will learn that for Venusians every gift of love scores equally with every other gift, regardless of size. Instead of focusing on one big gift men are reminded that the little expressions of love are just as important; 101 ways to score points with women are listed. Women, however, will learn to redirect their energies into ways that score big with men by giving men what they want.
In chapter 11 you'll learn ways to communicate with each other during difficult times. The different ways men and women hide feelings are discussed along with the importance of sharing feelings. The Love Letter Technique is recommended for expressing 
negative feelings to your partner, as a way of finding greater love and forgiveness.
You will understand why Venusians have a more difficult time asking for support in chapter 12, as well as why Martians commonly resist requests. You will learn how the phrases "could you" and "can you" turn off men and what to say instead. You will learn the secrets for encouraging a man to give more and discover in various ways the power of being brief, direct, and using the correct wording.
In chapter 13 you'll discover the four seasons of love. This realistic perspective of how love changes and grows will assist you in overcoming the inevitable obstacles that emerge in any relationship. You will learn how your past or your partner's past can affect your relationship in the present and discover other important insights for keeping the magic of love alive.
In each chapter of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus you will discover new secrets for creating loving and lasting relationships. Each new discovery will increase your ability to have fulfilling relationships.
GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH
Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after.
But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.
With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost.
We ask ourselves:
How does it happen?
Why does it happen?
Why does it happen to us?
To answer these questions our greatest minds have developed brilliant and complex philosophical and psychological models. Yet still the old patterns return. Love dies. It happens to almost everyone.
Each day millions of individuals are searching for a partner to experience that special loving feeling. Each year, millions of couples join together in love and then painfully separate because they have lost that loving feeling. From those who are able to sustain love long enough to get married, only 50 percent stay married. Out of those who stay together, possibly another 50 percent are not fulfilled. They stay together out of loyalty and obligation or from the fear of starting over.
Very few people, indeed, are able to grow in love. Yet, it does happen.
When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.
Through understanding the hidden differences of the opposite sex we can more successfully give and receive the love that is in our hearts. By validating and accepting our differences, creative solutions can be discovered whereby we can succeed in getting what we want. And, more important, we can learn how to best love and support the people we care about.
Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.
